Module 01 — Understand
Know your inner landscape.
Goal: help you go from “I don’t know what’s wrong with me” to
“I can clearly see what’s happening inside and why it makes sense.”
This module teaches you how to read your inner world as data, not evidence that you’re broken.
Nothing is wrong with you.
Your reactions have a logic.
Awareness comes before change.
Lesson 1 What’s actually happening inside you
The four layers of an inner experience.
Every reaction has four layers. When you can see each layer, you stop feeling like a chaotic
blur and start feeling like a human with understandable data.
Layer
Body sensations (the raw data feed)
Examples: tight chest, lump in throat, butterflies or knots in stomach,
buzzing limbs, heaviness in shoulders, headache or pressure behind eyes, shaky hands,
sweaty palms.
These are not random; they’re your body broadcasting:
“Something is happening. Pay attention.”
Layer
Emotional waves (the colour overlay)
Examples: anxiety, sadness, anger, shame, guilt, irritation, jealousy,
relief, joy, numbness — often layered (anxious + ashamed, sad + angry).
The emotion is your body’s label for what the sensation might mean.
Layer
Thoughts & stories (the narrator)
Examples: “I messed everything up.” “They’re probably mad at me.”
“This always happens.” “I must be the problem.” “They’re going to leave.”
These stories are based on past experiences, not just the present moment. Your brain is
trying to predict danger and keep you safe.
Layer
Urges & behaviours (the emergency response)
Examples: slam the door, raise your voice, over-explain, send long
texts, ghost, withdraw, go quiet, work/clean/scroll/drink/eat/hook up/shop, “fix it now”
conversations or “run away” avoidance.
Your behaviour is your system choosing how to respond to what it thinks is happening.
Real-life example 1 — The delayed reply
Situation: Your friend or partner doesn’t reply for 6 hours.
- Body: tight chest, restless legs, stomach sinking.
- Emotion: anxiety + irritation.
- Story: “They’re ignoring me. I care more. I’m not a priority.”
-
Urge/behaviour: type a long, angry text — or go cold and decide,
“Fine, I won’t text them either.”
Underneath, this reaction might be trying to protect you from feeling:
“I’m unimportant, just like I felt with a parent, ex, or old friend.”
Real-life example 2 — Being interrupted at work
Situation: Your coworker cuts you off in a meeting.
- Body: heat in your face, clenched jaw, hands fidgeting.
- Emotion: anger + embarrassment.
- Story: “No one takes me seriously. I’m invisible here.”
-
Urge/behaviour: shut down and say nothing — or jump in later with a sharp
tone.
Again, the body is remembering how it felt to be dismissed in the past, not just this one
meeting.
How to notice the layers without judgment
Most people are trained to respond with criticism, not curiosity:
“Ugh, why am I like this?” “I’m so dramatic.” “Other people don’t freak out like this.”
This adds a fifth layer: shame — and shame makes everything louder.
Curiosity sounds like:
- “Okay, my heart is pounding. Interesting.”
- “I’m telling myself they hate me — where have I felt that before?”
- “No wonder I feel intense, that hit an old wound.”
Micro-practice in the wild (the inner snapshot before reacting):
Pause. Before you send the reactive text or shut down, quietly name:
My body: <SENSATION>
My emotion: <FEELING>
My story: <WHAT I’M TELLING MYSELF>
My urge: <WHAT I WANT TO DO>
Then add: “No wonder I feel this strongly.”
You don’t have to change anything yet — simply noticing is already regulation.
Why awareness calms the system
When you name what’s happening inside, your brain shifts from
threat mode (“Danger, do something now!”) to
meaning mode (“Oh, this is that familiar ‘I’m being rejected’ feeling.”).
Awareness reduces:
- confusion: “What’s wrong with me?”
- self-blame: “I’m just broken.”
And increases:
- self-trust: “I understand what’s going on.”
- choice: “I have options besides my auto-pilot reaction.”
It’s like turning the lights on in a messy room. The mess doesn’t instantly vanish, but
suddenly you can see what you’re dealing with.
Reflection prompts
- “What did I feel in my body most often this week?”
- “What emotion do I avoid naming because it feels ‘too much’ or ‘weak’?”
- “What story does my mind jump to when something feels uncomfortable?”
- “Which urge shows up more: shut down, fix, defend, or avoid?”
Exercise — The Inner Snapshot (2 minutes)
Once a day (or after a strong moment), ask yourself slowly:
• What sensations are present in my body?
• If this sensation was an emotion, what might it be?
• What story is my mind offering?
• What might I be needing?
Complete the sentence:
“Right now, I feel <EMOTION(S)> and I notice it in <BODY PART(S)>.
I’m telling myself <STORY>.
I might need <NEED>.”
Example:
“Right now, I feel anxious and sad, and I notice it in my throat and chest.
I’m telling myself they don’t care.
I might need reassurance or to check in with them calmly.”
Repeat this enough and your inner world starts to feel legible, not chaotic.
Lesson 2 The weather of your inner world
You are the sky, not the storm.
Your emotions are weather passing through your sky. They can be intense without being your
entire identity.
Your emotions as weather patterns
Instead of saying “I am anxious,” try noticing your inner weather:
Storm
Big feelings: anger, panic, sobbing, yelling, intense activation. Everything feels loud
and urgent.
Fog
Confusion, brain fog, numbness, shutdown. You feel present but far away from yourself.
Drizzle
Low mood, heaviness, mild sadness. You can still function, but everything feels grey.
Wind
Restlessness, constant movement, agitation. Hard to sit still or feel settled in your
body.
Sun
Ease, openness, lightness. You feel more spacious, connected, and able to play or rest.
Mixed weather
You can have fog in the morning, sun after a good message, then a storm after a hard
conversation — all in one day. That’s human.
Temporary ≠ your identity
Language matters:
- “I am broken” → “I’m having a really painful day.”
- “I’m a mess” → “I’m in a lot of emotional storm right now.”
- “I’m an anxious person” → “I’m having a big anxiety wave today.”
One cements shame. The other leaves room for change. If you are the storm, you feel doomed.
If the storm is happening inside you, you can ride it, support yourself, and know it
will pass.
Learning to witness without fusing
Fusion: “I feel anxious, therefore something is wrong and I am wrong.”
Witnessing: “I notice big anxiety weather rolling in. That makes sense given
what’s happening.”
Real-life example:
Imagine you get an unexpected, serious-sounding email from your boss.
- Old response: “I’m such an idiot, I’m going to get fired, I always screw up.”
-
New response: “Wow, storm. My chest is tight, my thoughts are racing.
This makes sense — my body associates authority with danger. I can support myself through
this.”
You’re not bypassing the feeling; you’re adding context and compassion. You stay as the sky,
watching the weather move through.
Reflection prompts
- “What inner weather showed up for me today?”
- “When my weather is stormy, do I attack myself or describe the experience?”
- “How do I take care of myself on grey days vs sunny days?”
Exercise — Name the weather
Whenever you feel a shift, pause and name it:
“I’m noticing a <storm / fog / drizzle / wind / sunshine / clouds> of <EMOTION(S)> inside.
It feels like <BODY SENSATIONS>.
It makes sense because <CONTEXT>.”
Example:
“I’m noticing a storm of shame and fear inside.
It feels like my chest is collapsing and my stomach is heavy.
It makes sense because I shared something vulnerable and I’m scared I’ll be judged.”
This keeps you in the observer seat of your life — the sky, not the storm.
Lesson 3 Needs beneath emotions
Emotions are notification pings; needs are what they’re about.
Feelings aren’t problems to erase; they are signals. Under every emotion, there is a need
trying to be seen.
Emotions as signals (not flaws)
- Anger → “Something feels unfair, disrespected, or crossed.”
- Sadness → “I’ve lost something important or feel far from what I value.”
- Anxiety → “Something feels unpredictable or potentially unsafe.”
- Shame → “I’m scared I’ll be rejected if I’m truly seen.”
- Jealousy → “Something I value (attention, affection, recognition) feels threatened.”
You don’t have to “get rid of” emotions; you have to understand what they’re pointing toward.
Every feeling connects to a need
Signal → Need
Anger
Often points to needs for fairness, respect, boundaries, or repair. The fire is
protecting something important.
Signal → Need
Sadness
Often points to needs for comfort, validation, time to grieve, or to honour what was
lost.
Signal → Need
Anxiety
Often points to needs for clarity, predictability, support, or grounding. Your system
wants something to hold onto.
Signal → Need
Shame
Often points to needs for acceptance, understanding, and being seen in your full
complexity instead of judged.
Signal → Need
Jealousy
Often points to needs for security, reassurance, being chosen, or acknowledged as
important.
Signal → Need
Numbness
Often points to needs for rest, safety, and space. Sometimes the system is so flooded
it hits pause.
Common human needs (not “needy”, just human)
- Safety (emotional and physical)
- Rest and recovery
- Understanding (“Please see me accurately.”)
- Space (quiet, alone time)
- Reassurance and predictability
- Connection and closeness
- Respect and honesty
- Autonomy and choice
Real-life vignettes
1. Snapping at a partner on their phone
- Emotion: irritation, hurt.
- Story: “They don’t care about me. I’m boring. I’m not important.”
- Need: connection, engagement, feeling like you matter.
2. Sunday night dread
- Emotion: anxiety, heaviness.
- Story: “I can’t do this again. I’m failing at life.”
- Need: safety, meaning, or boundaries around workload and time.
Learning your inner language
You’ll have “signature needs” that show up again and again. For example, you might mostly
need:
- to feel emotionally safe and not mocked
- to feel wanted, not just useful
- to feel free to say “no” without losing love
When you learn your main needs, your life starts making more sense. Patterns stop feeling
random and start feeling understandable.
Reflection prompts
- “What need is most often unmet for me?”
- “What need have I been quietly ignoring because I’m scared it’s ‘too much’?”
- “How do I usually react when this key need isn’t met?”
Exercise — Needs mapping
1. Write down 3 emotions you feel repeatedly.
e.g. anxiety, resentment, numbness.
2. For each, fill in:
“When I feel <EMOTION>, I usually need <NEED>.”
“The reason this need scares me is <FEAR / BELIEF>.”
Example:
“When I feel resentment, I usually need rest and to feel appreciated.
The reason this need scares me is I’m afraid if I ask for rest,
people will think I’m lazy or ungrateful.”
This moves you from:
“I’m just moody” → “I have consistent needs that have been unmet for a long time.”
Bringing it together: your daily 3-minute “Understand” ritual.
Use this as a simple, repeatable check-in — morning, midday, or before sleep.
-
1 minute — Layers: “What’s happening in my body, emotion, story, and urge
right now?”
-
1 minute — Weather: “What’s the weather of my inner world? Storm, fog,
drizzle, wind, sun, or mixed?”
-
1 minute — Need: “Given all of this, what might I be needing?”